Destination Unknown

I don't know how to start this.
And I certainly don't know how to end it..

I say yes. Over and Over.
Opening my insides to brutal mutilation.
An attack that cannot be stopped.
It is inevitable that I will be cast aside.

I know it's coming, its almost worse than being surprised.
Frustration devours me.
Saying no is harder than thought.

It feels so right, so why am I so wrong?

You're bound to me, but the ties are thin.
You are being pulled in more than one direction.
Stop listening to your reflection.
How can I help with the correction?

Do I have to say this?
So long, Goodbye..
It hurts my stomach just to write it.

Push you aside and I will fall.
But I get back up. I won't crawl.
Am I prepared?
Why am I scared?

You trapped yourself in your own little way.
Your games, I always have to play.
I feel fine when I take advantage.
Our nights, I don't want them to end.

No words

Normalcy from jealousy, this is pestering me.

Keep your distance, I am bigger than a spider.

I will try and watch my step, it's hard not being a fighter.

(when you are trying not to care)
It's so easy to win this fight.

You are not the sun, you are not my angel's light.

There is a demon in your attic, and all you hear is static.

There are things I lack, but I hope you forgive me, and maybe even give me some slack

You can speculate on what my intentions were.

But won't ever know for sure.

It is something I can't even figure out myself.

I have no intentions, I just do things that feel right.

I am the evil one that says "just let it happen.
"

So sick of bad news, waiting for this to fuse.

Its like walking on broken glass
This nausea will not pass.

Im tired of being put down, and feeling like Im not good enough.

Because Im better than that.

I am tough, but am still human.


Any feelings I may have had, you are making sure they will be kept for the grave.

Making sure that your fucked up head will stay.

I long to wake up again and thinking "God, it's going to be a beautiful day.
"
Carlseek

Lust From The Lover

I still can't believe we are too far gone
One way for me to cope is to write this song
And I know it is so cliché for me to write this way
Especially if you know how I feel lately and today
I still have to say this though and it is not coming easy
Everyday I wake up, feeling unrested and queasy.
There are no words to describe the feeling deep within me
It is a lot like love but its only lust for it, without the fears.
Lust for her.
And it is not at first site because it feels like that too.
I've known her off and on for years.
Boys give me a bad name
I am unlike any other, I will do things right.
She gives girls a good name
she is unlike any other, she will treat me right.
But I may never know

Guilt comes and it goes,
things change, Like how friends become foes
Memories become the past
Promises never last,
lies are for fighters, And fighters aren't lovers,
Not the kind I am thinking of
I'm not a fighter but a forgetter, a story teller, and a watcher from above
it's lust to get through her crust that I lust to bust

I'm trying my hardest to not let you forget me
It would mean the world to me if you didn't forget me
Please don't forget me.
If you give me one call,
It may keep me from this fall.
I need you like a monster needs a bed
Like a rose needs a thorn
Like a thorn needs a boys side.
Everything that comes out your mouth wraps tightly around me
Melting my skin like acid as I try to decipher every word
One single coal within will not burn out
It lingers in my presence, it hurts the skin
Worse than the ink in my blood stream
Worse than the vision of imagination.
(her head is on my chest and nothing can happen.)

Guilt comes and it goes,
things change, Like how friends become foes
Memories become the past
Promises never last,
lies are for fighters, And fighters aren't lovers,
I'm not a fighter but a forgetter, a story teller, and a watcher from above
it's lust to get through her crust that I lust to bust

Deep inside the burning embers I see your face,
The one that makes me pace.
The one I've loved for so long, but the timing was all late and too wrong
It never made us strong
Things will not change in one hour of darkness, in one scene.
It's one of those nights where I just lay in bed staring at the ceiling and the red glow of heat for the scales
Listening to the saddest songs I own
Writing the saddest songs I can muster
Through the saddest cadaver as of yet
This mild sin city I created is getting old and I am ready for her
There has been enough bounces for no rebound,
You are no rebound.
No more words to impress, no thoughts to discuss
It is time to go back out of town for little lie-down

Water isn't as good when you're always hydrated

This is when I was lonely the Oregon..


"I don't belong here. I need my familiarity.
I think Im done experiencing this new land
pretending to enjoy myself is becoming easier with each day.
Show me whats real
Tell me you are real

Where are all the loved ones?

Who's gonna hold me..
If I dont come home.
Im not sure...
Just don't cement into another memory.

Ive felt your hand once before.
I want to feel you again. And again.
Ive smelled your hair once before.
Let me smell you again. And again.
Ive only seen you once before.
Please let me see you again. And again"

-Carlseek

Accents In The Sun

I have always fantasized about foreign girls. So two summers ago when I spent one night with this Swedish girl.. I got... very excited? hehe I couldn't stop thinking about her! It was craazy :)

"I'm a sucker for an accent in the sun
and I'll be yours if you'll be mine.
But the truth is, is that I will probably never see you again...
I always get attached and it's not my fault.
You will be on my mind and the key to yours I must find.
Great things come and go, this lust for you will not slow.

With only blue above me, I can't help but smile.
I am used to a gray lifestyle, shitty attitudes, and the best girls chased by the lamest dudes.

When your ideal home is in the past and ripped away from what won't last.
It forces me to spend my time searching for my place only with no luck.
This world is cruel as fuck.

But today I find it right in front of me and all around.
Only to disperse after the day's end..
This time it is different, no cheat grass in my socks,
nor shoes full of rocks.
I am somewhere new and its the voices guiding my choices.

Sleep is slim pickens, but you will not find me in bed.
I am outside of the house, outside of my shell, and inside my comfort zone.
So leave me alone.

These scratches aren't what one might think so back off.
This wrist jewelry and black clothes aren't for coverage but purely amusement.
Not that I like the color, or that it makes me look so much taller..
I don't give a damn because their minds are so much smaller."

-Carlseek

My mix tape

This blog I will preserve for my all my writings. I just found several pages of old feelings so I think I will post them on here. It is good to reminisce on past feelings.
So follow me in this journey of love. Hehehehe